The sadness of being caught

This is How You Lose Her by Junot Diaz

Most of the time I found myself asking Yunior, “are you really upset or are you just upset you were caught?” I truly want to believe that he does feel sorry for his actions and at times I feel that he does but then statements like this “Sadness at being caught, at the incontrovertible knowledge that she will never forgive you” confuse me. I think that Yunior thinks that if those he’s done wrong forgive him than he can forgive himself but the problem with Yunior is he can’t decipher between right and wrong, meaning he doesn’t know what to forgive himself for. Towards the end of the book we see Yunior turn to yoga and finally we’re like “YES A HEALTHY COPING MECHANISM!!!!” but turns out it doesn’t do much for him or his asshole friend. This all goes back to my thinking that Yunior doesn’t know what to forgive himself for. If he can’t find the root of his trauma then where can he start? This reminds me of a song by Rihanna that I will link down below.